Romantic love is an emotion much celebrated, often mocked and criticized, desperately looked for and longed for and – consequently – much misunderstood. But misunderstandings in thought and expectation  breed disappointment and tragedy in practice.

We have cultivated a paradoxical view of love and, consequently, we  find lasting love elusive, difficult, even a “mystery”. But we define love in such a way that it could only be a transient experience, and  then a wonder – sometimes bitterly – why doesn’t last.

We insist that love is a “feeling” and then complain when something so effervescent bubbles away.

We say that love is a “passion” and then are disappointed when something so passive passes away.

We identify romance with novelty and then object that the new becomes old, and we  celebrate “young love” then wonder why it is that we have trouble about love later in life.

(…)

How are we to make love last? It is the thesis of this book that love is an emotional process that not only takes time but also reaches into the future and builds its own foundation. It is not a momentary feeling or passion and it the lmited terms of initial attractuon and youthful first love, nor should it be overly domesticated or idealized.

Love doesn’t last because we misunderstand it, lose interest in it, take it for granted or suffocate it with careers and routines. Love lasts when it recognizes itself as primary, when it faces up to its own difficulties, when it understands itself as a procces rather than passion.

This is a book about how love lasts, but it must be, first of all, a book on what love is.

(…)

To take a hard look at love is not thereby to become cynical and “against love”. A theory of love need not be pessimistic. It need not say or hint that love is illusory, evasive or not worth the trouble. And yet the truth is that much of what we say and believe about love is sheer garbage, not romantic garbage but the king of garbage that clogs up the emotions and renders them ridiculous. Romantic love is, in truth, quitter intelligent and insightful, even if it is sometimes misguided and made to seem stupid by the wrong kinds of theories.

Love is not just a dumb feeling, and it is not an empty abstraction.

 

About Love – reinventing romance of our time, Robert C Solomon

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 nu m-a lovit primavara in cap. am ajuns la cartea asta cautind diferentele comportamentale in iubire/indragosteala intre inceputul secolului trecut si secolul acesta. voiam sa inteleg ceva legat de un subiect la care lucrez.

studiul lui R.C. Solomon (aparut in 1988) a revolutionat teoria emotiilor si e unul dintre cele mai citate in cartile de psihologie pentru ca a demonstrat ca indragosteala/ dragostea nu e “un sentiment”, ci o emotie precum furia sau tristetea. si-a facut asta intr-o forma analitica, aproape cinica:)

am cartea in pdf. daca o doriti, procedati ca la toate cartile pe care le trimit pe mail: lasati un comentariu si cind completati partea obligatorie pentru comentarii (care nu e la vedere) lasati-va o adresa de mail corecta.